My friends, they love my intelligence
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
