No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
