I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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