he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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