I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
