he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
