I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
