i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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