If that was your dad, he is hot
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
