There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
