Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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