Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
