there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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