garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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