Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
