This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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