he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
