Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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