since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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