I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize