im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
