I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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