i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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