Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
