once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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