For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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