So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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