i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
