You can't special order awesome
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize