??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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