it's too hot outside to masturbate.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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