hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
