Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
