My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
