i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
