Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
