Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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