Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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