apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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