True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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