i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
