i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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