waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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