Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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