just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize