I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
