I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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