I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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