just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
