he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize