Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
