im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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