Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
