Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize