East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
