apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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