I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Damn victory sex feels great
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
