I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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