so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize