Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
