her vagina looked like bernie madoff
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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