He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize