i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
