A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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