So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize