JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
