Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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