I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
