I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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