kristin has been a bad kristin
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Pants are for mortals
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
