dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
