Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
