omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
