You really coming over, don't trick.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
