I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
