Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
