you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
