Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
