she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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