some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
