I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
