I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
