i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
smell my finger.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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