"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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