My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
