This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So. Much. Porn.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
