I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you have to choose: penises or morals?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
