So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
