So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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