I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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