So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my sisters under your porch take her home
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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