You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
