I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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