Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
