it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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