well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He felt like a one man threesome
she peed on how many people?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize