You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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