wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
