Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
