i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
