South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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