what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
