Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
