The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I smell like Dick and happiness
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
